All but ONE.

Sometimes you feel so low that you believe there is no place on earth to run away and hide. Life is hard, expectations and disappointments are much harder. Guess I've always liked being disappointed. There is this numbness and dumbness within my heart and brain, I can't stop it. It just blows the hell out of all my cells and screams: THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP TORTURING ME THIS WAY!

But of course nothing happens. I keep being disappointed, like a river wishing to reach a bay and meet the land. The river of course reaches the bay but she isn't the former river herself. True, lots of things have changed. But I'm still the same river, and for myself, nothing changes. Hard, ha? But, there are much harder things, but you already know this, right? When that specific but unknown part of you is torn, it doesn't come back and claim your possesion of it for example. Tick tock tick tock... Time goes on, the clock goes off but you're stuck still. Dumb and numb. Before, after and always. Nothing to have, nothing to feel.

It's all gone but heartache.

22.12.2013

23:35